Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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