I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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