i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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