I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
splinters make it hard to masturbate
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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