I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hippo gnu deer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
