just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
