We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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