OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
