update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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