I faked an abortion last night.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
