Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
