She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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