So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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