He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's shark week go big or go home
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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