There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
