i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
