Need sex. Gaining weight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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