This girl is more easily done than said...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
