i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
