party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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