Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
