did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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