I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
