It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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