Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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