i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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