Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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