The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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