I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If its not for food we ain't going out.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize