you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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