either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
