i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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