I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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