theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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