I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
