you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
