thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
