Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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