I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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