you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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