the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
