Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
