He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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