my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
