Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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