He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
