i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
