goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i think i just lost a toe
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize