I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
