we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
