come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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