6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
