Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
