I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
