i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
