I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize