I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm passing your future prison.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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