i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
