The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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