honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
