that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize