You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
