Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
