Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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