i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Boobs are out for the taking
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize