I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
