Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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